I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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