As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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