OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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