Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
