peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just pee around me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
