Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
