God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
