If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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