U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
