$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
