All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
