It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
