Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
