i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
