so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
