the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
