I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
