It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
