If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
