sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
