Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
