he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
