If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Bring me that man meat
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
