you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
