giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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