TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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