just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
