so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
