omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
