Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
