the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
