Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
