Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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