I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
