So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
