my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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