please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Say something about gay babies.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
