She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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