My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
