Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
