1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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