And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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