I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
