Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
