Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
