Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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