I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
