Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
