We should be called the Road Head Warriors
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
