i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
