Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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