Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
smell my finger.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
